Ah, another lazy sunday. Housekeeping day, which I've alreday done the most. Most people hate sundays, I really can't say why. Maybe because it is the last day of weekend's freedom. Me, I'm having a coffee, having some four and twenty, smoking a fag along the cup o' joe, and I'm listening to the latest Yuck album, which critics say it sucks because one of the key members of the band has left. Let's see. In the meantime, I got a shitload of those bullshit questions. Let's answer some:
Are you an innie or an outie?
I suppose it's got something to do with the fact that I never go out, unless forced. So, that makes me an innie, I guess.
Have you ever written a song?
Yes. Unnamed, though. I've written several.
Can you make change for a dollar right now?
Nope. If I don't have a single Real in my wallet, were you expecting fucking dollars?
Have you ever been in the opposite sex's public toilet?
Yes. But not in a perverted kind of way.
Have you ever written a poem?
A lot of shitty ones, yes.
Do you like catsup on or beside your fries?
"Catsup"? Are you people illiterate or is it acceptable to call "catchup" this way? Anyways, no, I hate catchup on my fries. I eat them with salt, nothing else.
Have you ever been a boy/girl scout?
Nope.
Have you ever written a book?
I've tried to. Didn't finish it though.
Have you ever broken a mirror?
Yes.
Are you superstitious?
Not really.
What is your biggest pet peeve?
Time to check "Urban Dictionary", wait. Ah yes, I hate those things. But it's been a whilesince I was taunted with such silly antics. So, I can't really say what irritates me the most.
Do you slurp your drink after it's gone?
Of course, to the noisy end. Screw the snobs around me, if they don't like.
Have you ever blown bubbles in your milk?
Nope.
Would you rather eat a Big Mac or a Whopper?
None. Can I get a 30 cm Subway, please?
Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?
Nope.
Would you ever parachute out of a plane?
Never.
What's the most daring thing you've done?
Daring? DARING? Well, I suppose snorting a shitload of coke in one terrible saturday night could be called a "daring" thing. Other than that...I've got nothing.
When you are at the grocery store, do you ask for paper or plastic?
Whatever bag they've got. We don't get to choose in this country. This ain't "america", like americunts called their beloved US of A.
True or False: You would rather eat steak than pizza.
True. I can't eat pizza no more, else I'd die of a fucking stroke. MAOi in my veins.
Did you have a baby blanket?
Can't remember.
Have you ever tried to cut your own hair?
I will never pay a fucking barber any money ever again, now that I figured the wonders of this buzzcut machine. So, the answer is yes.
How did that turn out?
I look like a skinhead. I like it, in this heat, it's nice to be almost bald. And people keep their distance off "the neonazi" walking around. No one sits beside me on the bus. It's a neonazi! I love it. I am considering never let it grow again.
Have you ever sleepwalked?
Nope. But I've heard false voices talking to me in a dream.
Have you ever had a birthday party at McDonalds?
What am I, twelve? I'm 38, for fuck's sake. Nope, never.
Can you flip your eye-lids up?
No, and I think it's fucking gross to do so. Besides, I bet it's a fine way to catch an eye infection.
Are you double jointed?
Well, the entries for "double jointed" on Urban Dictionary are quite hilarious. I guess it must have a different meaning...but I'm too lazy and stoned outta my mind to keep searching for the meaning. As for the entries on UD, nope I haven't done none of them.
If you could be any age, what age would you be?
I am stuck on my mid twenties since my 30s. And I'm fucking 38 now.
Have you ever gotten gum stuck in your hair?
Yes.
Do you ride roller coasters?
Nope.
What's your favorite carnival ride?
I fucking hate carnival. There'ws always people there. Lots of them.
What is your dream car?
A Jaguar or a Mustang would do fine. But I'd even settle for a nice Chevy Bel-Air, even though I'd never drive that car, because it drinks more gasoline than an Englishman during the Arsenal's finals.
What is your favorite cartoon of all time?
There are so many. Can't answer that, it's just like the same thing with "favourite song" - it just can't be defined, it depends on the day you're having, the mood you're in, etc.
Have you ever eaten a dog biscuit?
Nope.
If so, would you eat another one?
No!
If you were in a car sinking in a lake, what would you do first?
Open the window and get the fuck outta there, as fast as I could.
Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
Yes.
Can you pick something up with your toes?
Never tried, actually.
How many remote controls do you have in your house?
What kind of STUPID question is this? I dunno. Several.
Have you ever fallen asleep in school?
Yes.
How many times have you flown in an airplane in the last year?
None.
How many foreign countries have you visited?
None.
If you were out of shape, would you compete in a triathlon if you were somehow guaranteed to win a big, gaudy medal?
What are you asking? If I'd cheat my way for a fucking medal? I guess not.
Would you rather be rich and unhappy, or poor and happy?
Poor and happy - that's my actual way of life, forever and ever, as long as they keep on producing Parnate.
If you fell into quicksand, would you try to swim or try to float?
Quicksand? Fat chance of that round here. Fuck this question.
Do you ask for directions when you are lost?
Yes, but only when I'm FORCED to. When I'm UTTERLY lost, y'know.
Have you ever held a Mexican jumping bean?
A what?
Are you more like Cinderella or Alice in Wonderland?
I'm more like Maurice Moss.
Would you rather have an ant farm with no ants or a box of crayons with broken points?
What the fuck? This is pointless. Specially the crayons.
Do you prefer light or dark bread?
Dark.
Do you prefer scrambled or fried eggs?
Scrambled.
Have you ever been in a car that ran out of gas?
Yes.
Do you talk in your sleep?
I guess not.
Would you rather shovel snow or mow the lawn?
We don't have snow here, but we got a lot of lawns...and I hat mowing the lawn. So, could I die instead?
Have you ever played in the rain?
Yes. Have you ever been a child?
Did you make mud pies?
Nope. I preferred to erect walls of mud and bricks, old bricks.
Have you ever broken a bone?
I have broken my collar bone when I was two. I don't remeber, thankfully.
Would you climb a very high tree to save a kitten?
Nope. Cats can get down off trees on their own. I've seen mine doing it several times. So, fuck you, learn to un-climb that tree on your own, feline.
Can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?
I'm a fucking biologist, I should know...
Do you drink pepsi or coke?
The cheaper one. Makes no difference to me if it's coke or pepsi.
What's your favorite number?
42.
If you were a car, would you be an SUV or a sports car?
I'd be the '77 Beetle waiting to be crushed at the wasteland.
Have you ever accidentally taken something from a hotel?
"Accindentally"? eheheheeh....yes, I've "accidentally" took some things off a hotel...
Have you ever slipped in the bathtub?
Yes.
Do you use regular or deodorant soap?
Deodorant SOAP? I use deodorant. After my baths. But deodorant soap. I was never even aware there was suach a thing.
Have you ever locked yourself out of the house?
Yes.
Would you rather make your living as a singing cowboy or as one of the Simpsons voices?
Simpson voice actor, of course. Are you mental? A singing cowboy??
If you could invite any movie star to your home for dinner, who would it be?
That's a hard one. I guess Sir Ian Mckellen. He must have a lot of interesting stories, and seems friendly enough.
Do you need corrective lenses?
Not anymore, since I've done that Lasik thing - best thing ever.
Would you hang out with / date someone your best friend didn't like?
It's MY damned choice, not my friend's.
Would you hang out with someone your best friend liked, but you didn't like?
Been there, done that.
Have you ever returned a gift?
Nope.
Would you give someone else a gift that had been given to you?
Yes.
If you could attend an Olympic Event, what would it be?
The Cannabis Cup of Amsterdam.
If you could participate in an Olympic Event, what would it be?
See previous answer.
How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Dunno. About 6 boots, worn out to their bare bones.
If your grandmother gave you a gift that you already have, would you tell her?
I guess.
Do you sing in the car?
In the car, in the shower, while working out...even though it's not actually singing, it sounds like someone's killing a cat or something.
What is your favorite breed of dog?
I've grown rather fond of dalmatians, since I came across Bill, Jade(and Rafael)'s dog.
Would you donate money to feed starving animals in the winter?
Nope, sorry. I don't donate. I can't donate. I need every penny. I'm way too much broke and waist-deep in debt this year.
What is your favorite fruit?
Pineapples.
What is your least favorite fruit?
Papayas.
What kind of fruit have you never had?
Are you fucking kidding me? Do you have any idea on how many edible fruits are out there in the real world? I never had, like a billion of those.
If you won a $5,000 shopping spree to any store, which store would you pick?
Kabum! - that PC store.
What brand sports apparel do you wear the most?
Do I look like I give a shit about something like that? Whatever's on the top of the pile is fine.
Are/were you a good student?
Not that much. Slacker.
Among your friends, who could you arm wrestle and beat?
What? Fuck off with this question.
If you had to choose, what branch of the military would you be in?
The morgue. I'd rather be a stiff corpse than be in the military.
What do you think is your best feature?
Er...is "none" an acceptable answer?
If you were to win a Grammy, what kind of music would it be for?
Rock'n'fucking'roll.
If you were to win an Osacr, what kind of movie would it be for?
This wouldn't happen. I can't be a fucking actor, Just can't. Maybe an oscar for screenwriting, that's possible.
What is your favorite season?
Summer.
How many members do you have in your immediate family?
Five.
Which of the five senses is most important to you?
Tough question. All are important...I guess the most important to a guy like me would be hearing.
Would you be a more successful painter or singer?
Painter, even though I can't paint for SHIT no more, I'd be way better off as a fraud of a painter than a singer. I can't sing.
How many years will/did you end up going to college?
Five in Biology. Then two and a half on that failed "Art College" attempt.
Have you ever had surgery?
Yes. Eye, Lasik. Had to remove a benign fatty tumour as well, and an abscess that I got after a nasty scooter accident. No kidding.
Would you rather be a professional figure skater or professional football player?
I guess skater. Football, in both senses - british and north american - sucks ass.
What do you like to collect?
Dragons. I already do collect them, but I'm not obsessed.
How many collectibles do you have?
Around 10.
What one question would you add to this survey?
"Would you live in a different reality/world?"
Eheheheh. These are fun. There are some pretty dumb ones, I'll keep on answering, but I'll spread the material over the days...
