(What's even funnier it's that it is teenage-oriented. This should be good...)
1. When was the last time you swam in a pool?
Can't remember. Definitely more than 5 years, for sure.
2. Do you like to party?
This shit again? Yeah, mostly by myself.
3. If your ex suddenly kissed you right now, what would you do?
I'd be so fucked up in my mind I have no idea what I'd do.
4. Are you a virgin?
Yup.
5. What are your parents views on sex?
One is horny as fuck, thinks that nobody should ever pass on a fuck, the other cold as ice all the time.
6. If you ran into your current boyfriend/crush in 10 years would you marry them?
I wouldn't marry anyone. Marriage ain't for me.
7. Is your best friend dating anyone?
Nope; he's already married. Without children, for now.
8. Describe the shirt you’re wearing.
I am fucking naked.
9. Do people who wear Hollister and Abrerbrombie every day bother you?
People! What a bunch of bastards!
10. Could you go out in public without wearing make-up?
Sure! I do it everyday! (I see this shit is very girl-oriented crap. Fuck me.)
11. What is one feature that you don’t like?
Weird belly I got.
12. Would people describe you as happy?
Nope, I don't think so, even now that I'm "healed" from depression.
13. Are you single?
Yup.
14. Does it bother you that pretty much every survey you take asks if you’re single?
Nah. Fuck you assholes.
15. Do you have Tumblr?
Nope.
16. What about Xanga?
What the fuck is that?
17. Have you ever babysat before?
Never.
18. Is there a teacher who you absolutely hate?
Got no teachers no more, cos I'm a fucking 38 year old man.
19. Ever shopped at Sephora?
Never heard of it. But I can predict you an answer: nope.
20. If your current boyfriend/crush suddenly moved away what would you do?
I don't have none of the above, so...nothing bothers me on that plane.
21. Do you have any university plans?
I had. They all failed.
22. If your best friend revealed she was a homosexual, what would you do?
I'd propose to him. Uahahahahaha. He's already married, to a woman, for fuck's sake! The bloke is straight as an arrow.
23. What are your views on sex?
Me gusta. Me gustaria even more if I had some REAL sex.
24. Do sexual questions bother you?
In a way, yeah.
25. Would you rather have sex with your boyfriend or break up?
What boyfriend?
26. Have you ever dreamed about your wedding?
Nope. I always thought I'd be living alone, with a cat in a tiny apartment somewhere.
27. Does it bother you when people TYpe 1yk dis’? Nd stuff?
Yes. You people spawned the fucking language, you should write it properly. It's not my first language and I make less mistakes than some North Americans.
28. Do you delete pictures of you and your exes off of Facebook?
I've got no fuckfacebook.
29. Would you ever date a friends Ex?
I guess. Why not?
30. What’s the last book you read?
The Silence Of The Lambs.
31. Ready for 10 simple questions?
Go.
32. What is your last name?
Guimaraes.
33. What grade are you in?
38th grade.
34. What school do you go to?
Life school. It's the hardest one ever.
35. Summer, Fall, Winter or Spring?
Summer.
36. Favorite Color?
Green.
37. Are your parents together?
Nope.
38. Any siblings?
2 sisters and a brother.
39. Favorite subject?
Used to be biology...and look where it got me.
40. Least favorite subject?
Anything math-related.
41. Favorite song?
Impossible to quote A favorite song. It all depends, on the day, on the mood...
42. Okay. Simple questions are over. Happy?
Yay.
43. How many friends do you have on Facebook?
I don't have fuckfacebook.
44. Ever been requested by some old guy from another country?
Nope, but I often conversed with people from another countries via WoW and via email.
45. Have you ever googled yourself?
Nope.
46. Have a Formspring?
A what?
47. You’re offered free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert. What do you do?
Get 'em and sell on eBay.
48. Would you rather spend the day at an amusement park or a water park?
At home.
49. Been to Disney world?
Never.
50. If someone posts their status “9 Inches :(” do you know what they mean?
This is a rather dubious question, eh?
51. Ever had a boyfriend?
Nope.
52. Ever had a huge crush on someone who still doesn’t know?
Yes.
53. Have you done something in the last week that you regret?
Yes.
54. Ever drank alcohol?
Yup.
55. Know anyone who’s currently doing drugs?
Myself, right now. I'm high as a kite.
56. Ever watched The Hills?
Nope.
57. What about Jersey Shore?
Nope, and I considered myself blessed for not being a north american to ever see that shit, even had a glimpse on it might reduce your IQ.
58. Ever called someone a slut?
Nope.
59. What do you think of short shorts?
This must be one thing only a girl would know. See! It got even funnier. It's girl-oriented shit.
60. Does it bother you if people swear around you?
Not at all, mothefucker!
61. Have you ever gotten an A in a subject?
Yeah. Limnology.
62. What about a B?
Some Bs...not too much I'm afraid.
63. And a C?
Lots.
64. How about a D?
Lots.
65. Ever plagiarised?
Yes.
66. Would you consider yourself popular and outcast or somewhere in the middle?
I'm a modern hermit.
67. Are most of your friends older or younger than you?
Younger, I think.
68. Ever been stabbed In the back by a close friend?
Yes. Eduardo.
69. Do you think it’s immature when people laugh at the number 69?
Not at all, for fuck's sake! Have a laugh at silly things, for fuck's sake!!
70. Ever watched Porn?
Did you ever breathed?
71. How many laws do you think you’ve broken in the past month?
Some relevant to shoplifting.
72. Do you wake up with an alarm clock?
My cell is my alarm clock. I mean, my cell is basically that - a pocket watch and alarm clock.
73. Do you prefer Wednesdays or Thursdays?
Thursdays. Closer to Fridays.
74. If your school had a Glee Club would you join?
Aahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
75. Ever performed in a talent show?
Nope.
76. Have you ever cried in public?
Yes.
77. Do you have a favorite between your Mom and your Dad?
My mom. Definitely.
78. Would you audition for a reality talent competition?
Nope.
79. How many celebrity crushes have you had?
Not many, to say the truth.
80. How many non-celebrity crushes have you had?
Almost none.
81. Name 5 male celebrities who you think are attractive.
I know only one name of a recent actor: Ryan Gosling. Don't know any others.
82. Name 5 female celebrities who you think are attractive.
I've always been fascinated by Jodie Foster. The rest of the women...well....
83. Ever been compared to a celebrity?
Yes. Not exactly a celebrity, but I have proof that I look similar to him in this photo:
That's Stone Gossard, from Pearl Jam. When I still had to use glasses, I was just like him(on this photo)
84. Have any embarrassing pictures on Facebook?
Don't have that shit, I told you twice.
85. Do you think spending 20$ on Lip Gloss is a waste of money?
Uahahahahahahah, I'm so glad to be a man.
86. Ever used Opinionated?
You mean Opium? Heroin? Never. I might get too hooked.
87. Do you have a favorite store?
Verdemar.
88. Would you ever wear Flare Jeans?
The fuck is that?
89. Do you own jeans that aren’t skinny?
All my jeans ain't skinny.
90. Have you ever worn the same outfit twice in one week?
You have no idea how many days I've worn the same shirt, sometimes even the same underwear.
91. What’s the longest period of time you’ve been away from school?
More than a decade, is that enough?
92. Do you google abbreviations you don’t understand?
Yeah. Why not?
93. Does it bother you when people have cats as their profile picture?
Not really. My picture on Skype is a drawing of a dragon. People shouild use whatever they want on thir profile pictures.
94. Own a pair of converse?
Nope. I prefer REAL shoes.
95. Is there a teacher at your school who has obvious favorites?
There were.
96. If yes, are you one of them?
Never.
97. Do you text in class?
Back in my day, whe didn't even had internet. So, no.
98. What brand of jeans do you wear the most?
Brand? Fuck the brand. I care only about its comfortness.
99. At what point do you think sizes are “Plus Sized?” Most magazines say 10. Do you agree?
Eh? I could never answer this one. First off, you north americans insist on this shit-for-brains way of measuring things. And two, I don't know SHIT about sizes. Much less in "american" measures.
100. Do you want to lose weight?
Nope. I intend to gain some more.
101. Ever seen a therapist?
I see a psichiatrist and a therapist.
102. Ever watched porn?
Ever took a shit?
103. Ever purposely ignored a text?
Yes.
104. A facebook message?
"Fuck Facebook" - is that good enough?
105. A poke?
Isn't that used to meddle with the embers on fireplaces?
106. A friend request?
Well, I'm not on FuckyoFaceBook, so what's the point of this question?
107. Would you say you read into things too much?
Hmmmm....yeah.
108. Is your best friend more likely to be the one suggesting something stupid or refusing to do something stupid?
Refusing to do something stupid.
109. Do you have a “fun friend?” (A friend who you have tons of fun with but you never really have deep conversations?)
Yeah. Alex Gandaia.
110. Ever been called a bully?
ME? A BULLY? Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
111. Ever purposely hurt yourself?
Fight club me vs me, at least seven or eight times in my life as for now.
112. Ever gone to church?
Yeah. I've always hated it.
113. Would you call either or your parents screw ups?
My dad is one. My mom too, sadly.
114. If you turned out exactly like your Dad would you be pleased?
I AM my dad. His Extended version. And no, I'm not pleased.
115. What about your Mom?
I got a lot of her in me too, but in general bad things like atelophobia and depression.
116. Let me guess… You have brown hair?
Nope. Blonde.
117. Already know what you’re being for Halloween?
I'm being brazilian and working like a fucking animal.
118. Do you still go Trick or Treating?
I. Don't. Live. In. The. Fucking. USA.
119. Ever liked someone WAY older than you?
Yes.
120. Does it bother you when people have really loud conversations on the bus?
Yes.
121. When you have sunglasses on, do you stare at people?
Nope. What for?
122. Ever had a credit card denied?
Nope. But I don't even own a credit card these days.
123. What’s the last movie you watched?
Django Unchained.
124. Last TV Show?
The IT Crowd.
125. You see your Ex making out with one of your friends. What do you do?
Good for her.
126. Ever been called a whore?
Nope.
127. Ever sang the national anthem?
In school. But I pretended most of the time.
128. Ever made yourself throw up?
Sure. Ever been drunk, kiddo? Didin't think so. You're not even 14.
129. Have you ever kissed someone who wasn’t your boyfriend.
Never been kissed. How about that?
130. Are you Cute or Gross?
I'm a Foul Bachelor Frog incarnated.
131. Does it bother you when people say “LOOK HOW MUCH YOU’VE GROWN!”
Nope, if it's about my physical fitness state. Because I don't grow in height no more since the ancient ages.
132. Can you say intelligent things around the guy you like?
I don't like anyone.
133. Ever had the lead in a play?
Never.
134. What about a solo in a concert?
Not a concert, but a rather poor rock'n'roll presentation, I did the solo. Messed up pretty bad. Meh.
135. What kind of a student are you?
A non-student.
136. Worst grade you’ve ever gotten with a Letter?
F
137. Worst grade you’ve ever gotten with a number?
11 in 100.
138. Ever had a crush on a teacher?
Not really.
139. Would it bother you if you found out that your mother was pregnant?
It would astound me pretty much, since she's got no husband let alone an uterus no longer.
140. How late do you sleep in?
I woke up dayweeks at 4:20 AM. Weekends, the maximum I've stayed in bed was a quarter to ten.
141. Do you edit your profile pictures before posting them?
I don't post no shit profile pictures, since, once again, I GOT NO FUCKYOFACEBOOK.
142. Be 100% honest. Do you have any friends who are uglier than you?
Yes.
143. Do you believe in all that inner beauty crap?
Yes.
144. Would you consider yourself a good student?
Never been.
145. Does it bother you when Surveys ask “Did you like this survey?”
I don't take surveys.
146. Salty, Sweet, Sour or Spicy?
Hmmm....sour I guess.
147. Are you going into High School this year?
Them children would be having the laugh of their lifetime: a 38-year old man in high school.
148. What about Junior High?
Look at previous answer.
149. What is one thing someone could say to you right now that would make you cry?
Dunno. Can't think of anything.
150. Where did you find this note?
What note? What d'you mean?
151. Last question. How many unread messages are in your phone?
None.
