Holy Bollocks.

I guess it's true what they say. You are not crazy until you've had a fight with yourself, twice a year, IN THE SAME YEAR,  and then go all catatonic for 45 days.

That's when I thought I'd do myself in, you know, the whole empty faggotty threat of killing myself. 

But that's not crazy, no. 

My neighbours must have an inkling of what crazy really means. It means that you're home, and all of a sudden your blonde walrus nut loser neighbour starts screaming at the skies, going nuts about creation and all that shit.

Yeah, that's what I just did. Had a fight with an imaginary being. Some call it a deity named GOD ALMIGHTY, others call him Allah. 

But in the end, it's all the same fucking thing, the same fucking guy, who somehow created earth out of a pig's asshole, like I care about all that fucking bullshit catholics pry inside their poor kids' minds. Oh, and he hates gays. And lesbians. And transgenders, and alcoholics, transvestites, cokeheads and dopeheads, junkies and so on and on and on, you have to be a GOD to hate so many people. 

And worse yet - they're all supposed to be his offspring. His children.

If he hates all these, let me take the liberty of arranging us deranged, y'know, gays and lesbians, black people, and even a nine year-old boy who just had his first erection, and runs screaming naked by the house, losing his shit over his first boner, "Mom! My wee-wee is hard, and keeps coming up, and I try to put it down and it hurt, wahhhhhhhhhh"

Even this kid is a target for this deranged shooter. The ultimate killer. Never misses, when he wishes to - boom, you're dead! 

You know, I tried to be an atheist. I tried. But as the years passed, I kept on developing this crazy theory, that we are, in fact, somewhat related to some form of creation force, at least. I have not gave up on evolution or anything. 

I don't know ehere I heard it first - but someone came up with the most accurate definition of what we are to this so-called deity. We're all trapped in this antfarm, and he's a wicked kid with this ant farm. Sometimes he shakes it, y'know, for a little entertainment. Sometimes hew pours gasoline on some and light them on fire. Or hold them while he fries our heads with a magnifying glass. 

Point is - he don't love us, we're his entertainment. "Oh, things are boring on this land. Suppose I'll create this austrian guy named Adolf, and he'll have his long-life dream of being an artist robbed from him, so he'll go nuts and try to take over half of the world, killing a lot of people in the process."

Then someone with some sense would say to him, "b-b-but these are Jews you're letting him kill! Jews! Your"chosen people", remember that?" - "Nah, I must've said it when I was drunk."

Thing is, I do believe there is a superior power. But I don't believe in the whole dicotomy, you know, good an bad, God and the Devil.

It's all one and the same. And he's deranged, psychotic. I swear, some deaths he must have laughed out so loud, it's still thundering at some point of the universe. 

And I do not - DO NOT - think he's benevolent at all. He's just fucking crazy, you know. A kid and his experiment. "Let's see what happens if I freezes this whole antfarm of mine for a few millennia." and he stucks us into a fucking freezer for two kazillion years. "Oh, they're all dead. Again. Now I'll have to begin from scratch."

I know, it's fucking crazy. But it gets to me sometimes, you know, when I think about this shit of a world we live in. And what's worse, just like Bill Burr said, I don't like the idea of being judged for my fucking life. Am I not his creation? Why the fuck he made me suck at math and be better with fucking biology? Why the fuck would he create a plant, that when smoked, seems to calm you down, seems to be good for you but it's not, because all you want, everytime you let it blaze...is the kick of your first ever "being high" in your life. And it never, ever, ever, comes back. But you keep on doing. I keep on doing. Becuse that's me. And it's my fault? That this thing exists and I like it too much, just to escape from the clutches of this hell-world we live in? Am I not "your" creation, motherfucker? Don't try to turn the tables on me - you made me this way, asshat!

"Oh, but he gave us free will---" FUCK YOU. Free will is every religion's favourite bullshit, state-of-the-art scapegoat. An omnipotent power wouldn't give you free will. Why would he? To see us blowing to bits over who's got the best Imaginary Friend in the Sky??

Yeah. I must really be going crazy. And worse, I'm as sober as a fucking post. 

God, how I hate God. To me, it's just like this: