Man, what a drag of a day. I know physicist are yet to reveal to us, mere mortals the formula for converting "out of work" minutes into "working(or at least, pretending to be working)" minutes. I'd wager each "working" minute lasts for at least 500 seconds.
And I'm here, nodding off, like a fucking zombie. And I don't get it, because I went to sleep yesterday around 8:30 PM....Okay, but I woke up at 4:30. To ensure that I'd have enough free narcotics for my extended weekend. Yes! The very last of this dreadful year. We're gonna have a proper monday. At least, those of us who are lucky to work on BH. My elder sister will have to work as usual, for she's working at one of the ugliest cities in the world, Contagem.
Well, I got what I need to survive this weekend...no, no, I still need a fresh pack of coffin nails. But that will have to wait until tomorrow, when I get an extra 17 bucks at the bank. Fucking wow, 17 bucks. FML.
Well, since it's boredom time, let's answert this quick trivia of 10 questions that I found amogst the ones I've already answered here:
1. What are your nicknames? What do you prefer to be called?
Buriol, CosMar, Burian and...Marquito. Sometimes a variant, CosMarcius, is thrown. I like Buriol better. I fucking hate Marquito, but it stick amogst the people that I used to be friends with, the actual Artists who are - were - my friends.
2. What books on your shelf are begging to be read?
2. What books on your shelf are begging to be read?
Oh, believe me, there are lots of them. Before Saraiva took over, ther was a kickass bookstore at the nerest mall, they had incredible english-written books at low, low prices, so I purchased a lot of them. Let me see...well, there's the whole works of Lewis Carrol, a fucking big book, Tales and Poems by Edgar Allan Poe, Moby Dick, and a lot more. I can't remember them all right now.
3. How often do you doodle? What do your doodles look like?
3. How often do you doodle? What do your doodles look like?
4. What do you do if you can’t sleep at night? Do you count sheep? Toss and Turn? Try to get up and do something productive?
Nope, usually, I just swallow another half Rivotril. If that doesn't work, then I get up and go to the computer and waste my time away at the internet, until I feel tired.
5. How many days could you last in solitary confinement? How would you do it?
5. How many days could you last in solitary confinement? How would you do it?
I could last a lifetime in solitary confinement...and pretty much, I already do. When I'm at home, I mean. If the confinemt space were to be just like my attic, I would live alone forever, no problem. I'm fucking quite used to it by now. Now, if it were just a fucking cell, with absolutely nothing to do, I think I'd go insane in a matter of days.
6. Do you save old greeting cards and letters? Throw them away?
6. Do you save old greeting cards and letters? Throw them away?
I tend to save the important ones, that truly has some meaning. The rest, to the trashcan.
7. Who is the biggest pack rat you know?
7. Who is the biggest pack rat you know?
I don't know. Maybe my mother, she's used to keep some stuff around that is really trash. "But you never know when you're gonna need an empty jar of whey protein(courtesy of my older brother, who gives that shit to her instead of useful, real things. I guess he thinks our house is a wastebasket for his shit)
8. When making an entrance in to a party, do you make your presence known? Do you slip in and look for someone you know? Do you sneak in quietly and find a safe spot to roost?
Party? What's that?
9. What is your strongest sense? If you had to give one up, which would it be?
Strongest sense? We're all fucking humans, with these lame-ass sensory system. Hell, even dogs have it better than us. We're just the most pathetic predators in existence...but evolution has developed our deadliest weapon - our brains. Well, back to the shitty senses, I think my current eyesight(after Lasik) it's the strongest...now, if I had to give one up, it would be the tactible sense. I guess.
10. How many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror?
Not much. I hate what I see in the fucking mirror.
11. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child?
Well, parents tend to create these "myths" so you'll behave. Mine invented "O homem do saco" which was meant to be a child molester/kidnapper that would come after me if I acted wrongfully.
12. What is one guilty pleasure you enjoy too much to give up?
Smoking. Both the legal(that should be illegal)nicotine, and the "illegal" weed, that should be legalized, pronto.
13. Who performs the most random acts of kindness out of everyone you know?
No one I know acts like that. No, I lie. My boss. Yes, I gotta admit it, he's been giving me so much slack this year, I'm truly impressed. I mean, I had two mental breakdowns and he supported me, let me go on paid leave for 45 days, and all. He can act like an asshole sometimes, and is not prone to indulge me in financial problems, but he did some good deeds for me this year, including paying the fucking expensive doctor that has healed me almost completely out of depression.
14. How often do you read the newspaper? Which paper? Which sections?
The last time I read a newspaper was...never.
15. Which animals scare you most? Why?
Poisonous snakes, I suppose. Because it's rather hard to avoid being bitten by one if you have the misfortune to come across one. They're slithering. And stealthy as fuck.
16. Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on?
I tend to avoid conflict for as long as I can, but if it gets to the point of no return, then I get pretty aggressive. The Ogre has seen that.
17. What was the most recent compliment you’ve received and savoured?
None. "You are handsome" is a filthy fucking lie.
18. What is something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will?
My loneliness.
19. Are you a creature of habit? Explain.
Very much so, I'm a fan of routine. I just like to go according to a plan, y'know. And get really angry when things don't go as planned.
20. Are you high maintenance? Explain.
Just read this fucking blog. I'm nearly IMPOSSIBLE to deal with when I'm in a bad mood. So yes. I'm fucking high maintenance.
21. When was the last time you really pushed yourself to your physical limits?
Everyday I work out, I'm trying to push it a little further. So, yesterday?
22. Do you have a whole lot of acquaintances or just a few very close friends? Why?
I barely have many real, REAL friends left in my list. Just this year, I've lost four friends. Why? Because I suppose I'm an asshole. And anti-social to boost. VERY anti-social. A fucking misanthrope. Call it what you like. I don't like people. People! What a bunch of bastards!
23. Are you more inclined to “build your own empire” or unleash the potential of others?
Neither. I'm a fucking failure.
24. What’s a strange occurrence you’ve experienced but have never (or rarely) shared with anyone?
I guess the episode with the glass - you know, the brazilian version ofa an ouija table - that shit scared me. Not only I passed out twice during the thing, but after that, the fucking glass refused to break, even when thrown at full force against a wall. I swear, it sparkled, but did not break. I mean, WTF?
25. What do you think about more than anything else?
"How the FUCK did I let it come to....this?! 38 wasted fucking years."
26. What’s something that amazes you?
Music. It's something magical, the same amount of notes, played on a whole wide world of musical instruments, sometimes it makes you happy, sometimes it makes you cry - music is magic. And not only my good ol' rock'n'roll, I've been inspired by electronic music as well.
27. Do you prefer that people shoot straight with you or temper their words? Why?
If you're referring to criticism, neither way works with me. They always destroy the fuck outta me.
28. Where’s your favourite place to take an out-of-town guest?
Who? A guest? Who? Take them out?? This whole question is science fiction to me.
29. What’s one thing you’d rather pay someone to do than do yourself? Why?
I'd rather pay shipping costs than to go to the actual store and buying stuff - not only it's way more practical, specially to a loser that doesn't drive nor have a fucking car. And specially because you won't have to deal with people, at least not directly.
30. Do you have a catchphrase?
"People! What a bunch of bastards!"
31. What’s your reaction towards people who are outspoken about their beliefs? What conditions cause you to dislike or, conversely, enjoy talking with them?
I don't enjoy talking to people, save my fewer and fewer friends. They can go fuck off with their beliefs. It's all shite, in the end.
32. How and where do you prefer to study?
Not studying. At all.
33. What position do you sleep in?
Lying on my stomach, head turned this side or the other.
34. What’s your all-time favourite town or city? Why?
Amsterdam would be my choice. Because I'm a fucking pothead.
35. What are the top three qualities that draw you to someone new?
Qualities, in people??? Fuck off.
36. How has your birth order/characteristics of siblings affected you?
I'm the middle kid. So, it makes me the problematic one. Being beaten and abused by your own brother, it's no picnic.
37. If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation in your life, what would it be?
Fucking FEAR. Or fucking atelophobia, that would work as well.
38. If you could restore one broken relationship, which would it be?
What's that? A ship named after relations? It must have sunk a long, long time ago.
39. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to?
Honestly, I don't know.
40. Do you believe ignorance is bliss? Why or why not?
Sometimes it is. Like when I broke off the friendship with the ogre, he did sent out an email, maybe telling me to piss off or asking for one chance(fat chance of THAT), but I haven't even opened it. Mark as spam, empty spam folder. Gone forever. I'm pretty sure it must have been an awful reading, just like ALL the fucking emails the fucker sent me. So I chose ignorance. And not only on that issue, I know the world is a rather terrible place - pedophiles, homophobes and whatnot - that's why I don't ever bother reading news. It's all blood, blood, blood, war, war, poverty, rape, it's all fucking awful. So I chose to remain ignorant. I've got my own fucking head to battle against everyday, and that's enough for me.
41. What do you consider unforgivable?
Pedophilia, homophobia, cold-blooded murder...see previous answer.
42. Have you forgiven yourself for past personal failures? Why or why not?
No. I'll never forgive myself for choosing water over wine, career-wise - I mean, what fucking MADNESS made me chose fucking biology over medicine??? I could be someone by now. Instead, I'm this piece of shit rotting alone in a dusty attic.
43. How difficult is it for you to forgive someone who refuses to apologize?
If they don't apologize, just like the fucking ogre - not only the motherfucker insulted me to the core of my existence, he had the NERVE to demand an apology from MYSELF - I don't forgive them. Never.
44.Do you hold any convictions that you would be willing to die for?
I guess.
45. To what extent do you trust people? Explain.
I don't trust people, only my few friends still remaining. The rest can go fuck themselves. I know they're trying to extort me, corrupt me, or do something terrible. People! What a bunch of bastards!
46. In what area of your life are you immature?
Every last one of them.
47. What was the best news you ever received?
I really don't remember nothing so special.
48. How difficult is it for you to be honest, even when your words may be hurtful or unpopular?
Oh, I lie. I lie and lie and lie. I just tell what they want to hear, so they'll leave me the fuck alone.
49. When did you immediately click with someone you just met? Why? What was the long term result? Conversely, are you close with anyone now that you really disliked at first?
Nope, I don't trust people to "click" with them. Now, I've had a former colleague in the bio course, that I initially hated at first sight, then he proved me to be quite the decent fella a few months later. Yeah, so I can be wrong. I know that.
50. When do you find yourself singing?
When I'm alone. My voice is fucking awful. I remember a party we had here, I tried to sing away one QOTSA song. Man, it was like someone farted a nasty one. It drove everyone away.
Well, that's it. I guess those were the final questions I've gathered on that file. And I'm writing these final thoughts on the comfort of my solitaire Tower. Had a most wonderful cup o'joe with a fag, this coffee is really good, at 18 bucks a pop, it had to be. And I was happily surprised to see that some of my purchases had just arrived when I got home. 40kg worth of barbells and a new bar. This place is becoming quite the gym. Merry xmas! Presents for myself.
Single bells
Single bells
Single all the way.
Another thing, highly unlikely of me, is that today I've applied for a international(I really hope they fucking give me an international one), supposedly without any anual fees, credit card. Not only I found it's rather convenient that you got a credit card, if you manage to contain your impulsive shopping, but there are places like the fucking eBay that only takes payment via credit card. Yes, I know, there's penpal, but the otion of paying via bank account debit is restricted to three fucking banks in this shithole of a country. None of them serves me, since I only have an account on a non-contemplated one.
What do I want to buy on eBay? Why, moustache wax. Yeah, it has grown quite a lot, and my remaining wax I had turned to crap after a year of no use. And you just can't find this thing on this shithole called Brazil.
So, if all goes well, if I get the darned thing, I'll be sporting a sweet handlebar moustache again. That must be a sight, a shaved-off neo-nazi sporting handlebars. Even my boss, whom found me on my way home and gave me a short ride on his sweet ride(I just love Mini-Coopers), called me a badass today, because I was with my neo nazi outfit, sleeveless shirt, displayig these tattoos and wearing trunk shorts and boots. Oh, we had a laugh about it.
So that's it...now for digest a bit of my "dinner" and hit the gym. Then hit the hay. Sleep....
Thankfully, tomorrow's friday. O holiest of weekdays.
8. When making an entrance in to a party, do you make your presence known? Do you slip in and look for someone you know? Do you sneak in quietly and find a safe spot to roost?
Party? What's that?
9. What is your strongest sense? If you had to give one up, which would it be?
Strongest sense? We're all fucking humans, with these lame-ass sensory system. Hell, even dogs have it better than us. We're just the most pathetic predators in existence...but evolution has developed our deadliest weapon - our brains. Well, back to the shitty senses, I think my current eyesight(after Lasik) it's the strongest...now, if I had to give one up, it would be the tactible sense. I guess.
10. How many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror?
Not much. I hate what I see in the fucking mirror.
11. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child?
Well, parents tend to create these "myths" so you'll behave. Mine invented "O homem do saco" which was meant to be a child molester/kidnapper that would come after me if I acted wrongfully.
12. What is one guilty pleasure you enjoy too much to give up?
Smoking. Both the legal(that should be illegal)nicotine, and the "illegal" weed, that should be legalized, pronto.
13. Who performs the most random acts of kindness out of everyone you know?
No one I know acts like that. No, I lie. My boss. Yes, I gotta admit it, he's been giving me so much slack this year, I'm truly impressed. I mean, I had two mental breakdowns and he supported me, let me go on paid leave for 45 days, and all. He can act like an asshole sometimes, and is not prone to indulge me in financial problems, but he did some good deeds for me this year, including paying the fucking expensive doctor that has healed me almost completely out of depression.
14. How often do you read the newspaper? Which paper? Which sections?
The last time I read a newspaper was...never.
15. Which animals scare you most? Why?
Poisonous snakes, I suppose. Because it's rather hard to avoid being bitten by one if you have the misfortune to come across one. They're slithering. And stealthy as fuck.
16. Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on?
I tend to avoid conflict for as long as I can, but if it gets to the point of no return, then I get pretty aggressive. The Ogre has seen that.
17. What was the most recent compliment you’ve received and savoured?
None. "You are handsome" is a filthy fucking lie.
18. What is something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will?
My loneliness.
19. Are you a creature of habit? Explain.
Very much so, I'm a fan of routine. I just like to go according to a plan, y'know. And get really angry when things don't go as planned.
20. Are you high maintenance? Explain.
Just read this fucking blog. I'm nearly IMPOSSIBLE to deal with when I'm in a bad mood. So yes. I'm fucking high maintenance.
21. When was the last time you really pushed yourself to your physical limits?
Everyday I work out, I'm trying to push it a little further. So, yesterday?
22. Do you have a whole lot of acquaintances or just a few very close friends? Why?
I barely have many real, REAL friends left in my list. Just this year, I've lost four friends. Why? Because I suppose I'm an asshole. And anti-social to boost. VERY anti-social. A fucking misanthrope. Call it what you like. I don't like people. People! What a bunch of bastards!
23. Are you more inclined to “build your own empire” or unleash the potential of others?
Neither. I'm a fucking failure.
24. What’s a strange occurrence you’ve experienced but have never (or rarely) shared with anyone?
I guess the episode with the glass - you know, the brazilian version ofa an ouija table - that shit scared me. Not only I passed out twice during the thing, but after that, the fucking glass refused to break, even when thrown at full force against a wall. I swear, it sparkled, but did not break. I mean, WTF?
25. What do you think about more than anything else?
"How the FUCK did I let it come to....this?! 38 wasted fucking years."
26. What’s something that amazes you?
Music. It's something magical, the same amount of notes, played on a whole wide world of musical instruments, sometimes it makes you happy, sometimes it makes you cry - music is magic. And not only my good ol' rock'n'roll, I've been inspired by electronic music as well.
27. Do you prefer that people shoot straight with you or temper their words? Why?
If you're referring to criticism, neither way works with me. They always destroy the fuck outta me.
28. Where’s your favourite place to take an out-of-town guest?
Who? A guest? Who? Take them out?? This whole question is science fiction to me.
29. What’s one thing you’d rather pay someone to do than do yourself? Why?
I'd rather pay shipping costs than to go to the actual store and buying stuff - not only it's way more practical, specially to a loser that doesn't drive nor have a fucking car. And specially because you won't have to deal with people, at least not directly.
30. Do you have a catchphrase?
"People! What a bunch of bastards!"
31. What’s your reaction towards people who are outspoken about their beliefs? What conditions cause you to dislike or, conversely, enjoy talking with them?
I don't enjoy talking to people, save my fewer and fewer friends. They can go fuck off with their beliefs. It's all shite, in the end.
32. How and where do you prefer to study?
Not studying. At all.
33. What position do you sleep in?
Lying on my stomach, head turned this side or the other.
34. What’s your all-time favourite town or city? Why?
Amsterdam would be my choice. Because I'm a fucking pothead.
35. What are the top three qualities that draw you to someone new?
Qualities, in people??? Fuck off.
36. How has your birth order/characteristics of siblings affected you?
I'm the middle kid. So, it makes me the problematic one. Being beaten and abused by your own brother, it's no picnic.
37. If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation in your life, what would it be?
Fucking FEAR. Or fucking atelophobia, that would work as well.
38. If you could restore one broken relationship, which would it be?
What's that? A ship named after relations? It must have sunk a long, long time ago.
39. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to?
Honestly, I don't know.
40. Do you believe ignorance is bliss? Why or why not?
Sometimes it is. Like when I broke off the friendship with the ogre, he did sent out an email, maybe telling me to piss off or asking for one chance(fat chance of THAT), but I haven't even opened it. Mark as spam, empty spam folder. Gone forever. I'm pretty sure it must have been an awful reading, just like ALL the fucking emails the fucker sent me. So I chose ignorance. And not only on that issue, I know the world is a rather terrible place - pedophiles, homophobes and whatnot - that's why I don't ever bother reading news. It's all blood, blood, blood, war, war, poverty, rape, it's all fucking awful. So I chose to remain ignorant. I've got my own fucking head to battle against everyday, and that's enough for me.
41. What do you consider unforgivable?
Pedophilia, homophobia, cold-blooded murder...see previous answer.
42. Have you forgiven yourself for past personal failures? Why or why not?
No. I'll never forgive myself for choosing water over wine, career-wise - I mean, what fucking MADNESS made me chose fucking biology over medicine??? I could be someone by now. Instead, I'm this piece of shit rotting alone in a dusty attic.
43. How difficult is it for you to forgive someone who refuses to apologize?
If they don't apologize, just like the fucking ogre - not only the motherfucker insulted me to the core of my existence, he had the NERVE to demand an apology from MYSELF - I don't forgive them. Never.
44.Do you hold any convictions that you would be willing to die for?
I guess.
45. To what extent do you trust people? Explain.
I don't trust people, only my few friends still remaining. The rest can go fuck themselves. I know they're trying to extort me, corrupt me, or do something terrible. People! What a bunch of bastards!
46. In what area of your life are you immature?
Every last one of them.
47. What was the best news you ever received?
I really don't remember nothing so special.
48. How difficult is it for you to be honest, even when your words may be hurtful or unpopular?
Oh, I lie. I lie and lie and lie. I just tell what they want to hear, so they'll leave me the fuck alone.
49. When did you immediately click with someone you just met? Why? What was the long term result? Conversely, are you close with anyone now that you really disliked at first?
Nope, I don't trust people to "click" with them. Now, I've had a former colleague in the bio course, that I initially hated at first sight, then he proved me to be quite the decent fella a few months later. Yeah, so I can be wrong. I know that.
50. When do you find yourself singing?
When I'm alone. My voice is fucking awful. I remember a party we had here, I tried to sing away one QOTSA song. Man, it was like someone farted a nasty one. It drove everyone away.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, that's it. I guess those were the final questions I've gathered on that file. And I'm writing these final thoughts on the comfort of my solitaire Tower. Had a most wonderful cup o'joe with a fag, this coffee is really good, at 18 bucks a pop, it had to be. And I was happily surprised to see that some of my purchases had just arrived when I got home. 40kg worth of barbells and a new bar. This place is becoming quite the gym. Merry xmas! Presents for myself.
Single bells
Single bells
Single all the way.
Another thing, highly unlikely of me, is that today I've applied for a international(I really hope they fucking give me an international one), supposedly without any anual fees, credit card. Not only I found it's rather convenient that you got a credit card, if you manage to contain your impulsive shopping, but there are places like the fucking eBay that only takes payment via credit card. Yes, I know, there's penpal, but the otion of paying via bank account debit is restricted to three fucking banks in this shithole of a country. None of them serves me, since I only have an account on a non-contemplated one.
What do I want to buy on eBay? Why, moustache wax. Yeah, it has grown quite a lot, and my remaining wax I had turned to crap after a year of no use. And you just can't find this thing on this shithole called Brazil.
So, if all goes well, if I get the darned thing, I'll be sporting a sweet handlebar moustache again. That must be a sight, a shaved-off neo-nazi sporting handlebars. Even my boss, whom found me on my way home and gave me a short ride on his sweet ride(I just love Mini-Coopers), called me a badass today, because I was with my neo nazi outfit, sleeveless shirt, displayig these tattoos and wearing trunk shorts and boots. Oh, we had a laugh about it.
So that's it...now for digest a bit of my "dinner" and hit the gym. Then hit the hay. Sleep....
Thankfully, tomorrow's friday. O holiest of weekdays.
