Oxymoron. Now that's a very interesting word. Simply put, it deals with ambiguity. You know, like "make haste slowly," or "cruel kindness", or...Parnate.
Yeah. Parante. You know, this fucking piece of shit fake cocaine drug I'm using. I made a research about it, even though they say you cannot trust everything you read - exceptionally on the internet, where lies and lies and lies and fucking lies spread like a fucking plague. But, I've lokked at aleast a half a dozen medical websites. Here's what I found on its side effects:
If any of the following side effects occur while taking tranylcypromine, check with your doctor immediately:
Incidence not known
- Absence of or decrease in body movement
- actions that are out of control
- agitation
- anxiety
- black, tarry stools
- bleeding gums
- blood in the urine or stools
- burning, crawling, itching, numbness, prickling, "pins and needles", or tingling feelings
- chest pain
- chills
- coma
- confusion
- confusion about identity, place, and time
- cough or hoarseness
- dark urine
- decrease in frequency of urination
- decrease in urine volume
- depression(????)
- difficulty in passing urine (dribbling)
- dizziness
- dry mouth
- fast, irregular, pounding, or racing heartbeat or pulse
- fever
- fever with or without chills
- general feeling of tiredness or weakness
- headache
- hostility
- hyperventilation
- increased need to urinate
- irregular heartbeats
- irritability
- lethargy
- light-colored stools
- longer than usual time to ejaculation of semen
- loss of bladder control
- lower back or side pain
- muscle twitching
- nausea and vomiting
- nervousness
- painful or difficult urination
- pale skin
- passing urine more often
- pinpoint red spots on the skin
- rapid weight gain
- restlessness
- seizures
- shakiness and unsteady walk
- shortness of breath
- sore throat
- sores, ulcers, or white spots on the lips or in the mouth
- stupor
- sudden jerky movements of the body
- swelling
- swelling of the face, ankles, or hands
- swollen glands
- talking, feeling, and acting with excitement
- trouble with sleeping
- troubled breathing with exertion
- unsteadiness, trembling, or other problems with muscle control or coordination
- unusual bleeding or bruising
- unusual tiredness or weakness
- upper right abdominal pain
- yellow eyes and skin
Yeah. These are most common side effects...but I've bolded out and underlined what I've been experiencing the most: depression, hostility, restlessness, irritabity, lethargy, anxiety, actions that are out of my control - like smashing things only because they won't work, or like my ex-ventilator, that has fallen to the ground this saturday, and had an unexpected encounter with the wall, at aproximately 100 km/h. It does not matter, ehough, for it was already a half-broken, piece of shit aparatus.
But...an antidepressant drug that may cause...more depression??? What THE FUCK is this shit?
So, I gave up on eating some of my favourite foods, became an almost forced vegan, experience the "limp dick" effect for at least five to eight hours after I take the second dose of the drug on a day, and what for? For all those effects I've highlited combined, all happening at once.
Yeha, Parnate is THE oxymoron. And like I told you on previous episodes here, it was my only choice of treatment left. Yeah, it gave me "THE HIGH OF A LIFETIME" effect, for two weeks. Then, it caused me all these side effects combined.
My next appointment with the so-said Miracle Worker doctor is somewhat far away yet. I'll give him a full report, and if he gaves up on me, that's all fair and good, for I've already got a foolproof suicide planned. No, I'm not telling anyone. But it'll work, and way better than going into Jackson Pollock on the walls with a gun I don't have. I have something better. It's not the cheese either. I'm not risking having a fucking stroke and becoming an even harder to bear burden in everyone's lives.
I'm out, I'm out. Fuck this shit. Fuck this world. Fuck this rotten brain of mine that will not work, even with the most potent antidepressant drug there is on the market.
And no, I'm not smoking weed no more, nor any other drugs at all. I thought they would be the cause of these effects, turned out they are not.
It's this piece of shit pink cocaine-wannabe drug. So, I'm out. I'll be out. I can't handle this endless war inside of me no more. Every night, I've been crying myself to sleep, for a week now.
I'm tired of this shit. And I won't have it no more. Not, if the doctor says it's over. Because it was either this or nothing. All chips in.
I've lost them all.
And I can't take it anymore. I hate myself, this fucking world, these fucking people, the post office, the fucking customs that won't release my orders from eBay, all this shit. I've had it.
No more.
The end is near.
