Well, I'll do a summary. From the start, I get one of these:
Which has granted me this:
Yeah. What a dream fucking job. I've started out with no more than fucking R$ 180,00 a month - it was WAY less than minumum wage at 2000. Okay, so by 2004 - as you can verify on said document, I left the shit job, to pursue "the dream", enter the so-called "Art" major course at the same University, because I was able to do "crap" like this:
Unifying both of my so-called "passions" - eastern dragons and Gibson SGs. I still remember the day I scribbled this, I was at my "I-prefer-you-as-my-brother-much-more-than-my-"real"-brother", Rafael Viotti, the most intelligent friend I've ever had. Because He also has a diploma, but in a REAL useful degree - Computer Science.
Meanwhile, as expected, I couldsn't take no more fucking talk about the so-called "art" that exists nowadays, where a fucking IMBECILE just let a a dog starve to death, and called it "art", or a fucking white room with a glass of water in the middle - now, THAT was art, not my "scribbles". No place for Scribblers here, so, I got the fuck out of that shit course. Fuck that, to hell. If I ever go back to that dreaded building, I'll be carrying at least 8 kilos of C4 and a detonator. Blow it to kingdom come. Go to hell, "artists"!!!!
So, with my tail between my legs, I got back to the reality I've left behind at May, 28th, 2004. Not before wasting a year and a half wandering through the alternative reality of the wonderful World of Azeroth - the famed World of Warcraft. I got back at Funchato, Inc. It was all I got left - by that time, my REAL artists friends, like Eduardo Damasceno, Daniel Pinheiro Lima and Lucas Libânio had dissolved the "Môco Ltda" - a failed enterprise at the REAL art Departmente, a regret to us all.
So I got back where I was, being nothing, doing nothing, worthless employee that got tolerated because I was - sort of - a friend of the owner. I continued to scribble with my GOOD friend that I mentioned the other day, whose life got destroyed by that fucking piece of shit called facebook.
And by 2011, by peer pressure, I gave it a shot at the famed "Brazillian dream job" - the public jobs at a government branch. And guess what? Obviously, I've failed that too - waste nearly 3000 bucks on a fucking night course, for FUCKING NOTHING.
Since then, I could not draw a line with a ruler anymore. I couldn't. I wouldn't. I got tired of bouncing my head on the wall, so to speak. I've given up. No more. Be nothing, like I always have been.
Now, I'm a husk of what I used to be. No wonder I had two, three, mental breakdowns last year. And then, the "miracle" came - the Parnate.
Yeah. "Miracle" indeed. It gave me an initial rush of happiness and hope, and then - it went away. The only thing I'm feeling these days wanders between fucking self-hatred, hatred against humanity, and sheer sadness.
I . Am. Nothing.
And while I walk on the streets, people notice the "don't touch me or I'll kill ya" look. I became a human pitbull. Constantly seething with anger. And yesterday, I actually had to listen to a damned taxi driver mock me and my shaved head and handlebars 'stache. I had to fight the urge to knock the shit out of him, but then he revealed that he was a member of one of the most stupid herd of people that has ever walked the earth, "Sô evangélico, não abro mão de Jesus nem que me ponham uma arma na cabeça."
Now THAT tempted me. I swear, I wished I had a fucking .357 on me, "Let's test this, then, motherfucker. If you don't say, RIGHT fucking now, 'I deny Jesus!' I will blow your fucking brains out." But you can't do that. And I didn't even bother to argue with the fucking idiot, because this quote is quite accurate, for this case: "Don't argue with idiots. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."
I wish we could live by GTA rules. But this is real life. And it fucking sucks.
It fucking sucks.
And it only gets worse, day by day, week by week, month by month, year after year. This so-called "life".
I. Am. Fucking. Nothing.
And it sucks.
Fucking life. Fucking hell.
