It's really funny how things are. Yesterday, I went to the good ol' Doctor Miracles, and that's exactly what I've told you: "You are not a doctor, you're a fucking wizard. Because I got almost nothing to complain about my life nowadays." And he was pleased, indeed, with the results. It's the kind of doctor who really sees his patient's improvement as his own personal achievements. I was glad to see that. It means he really likes what he does, that he cares for his patients. He was really satisfied, I could see on his face. As am I.
One thing I had to mention was the so-called "anabolic" effect of this medication, because I've never felt so...well, strong, full of stamina to workout like a fucking gym rat like I've never seen before. He just told me, "It was all the depression sucking your strength. The medication just helped you to find it within you." I could not believe it. That bloody thing drained me, even physically. And let me tell you, it's true. While I was depressed, I could hardly even lift a finger alone. With that fucking Risperidone, it was even worse. I felt so weak I couldn't workout everyday, like I am doing these days - and the weight I'd be able to lift was way smaller than what I'm lifting these days.
Well, all Hail Parnate, the miraculous drug. Yeah, it is food-restrictive, it is potentially dangerous, but it was the ONLY one that actually worked on my deranged brain. I'll gladly never eat a pizza again, if that's the cost of this feeling. I am quite transformed. I am laughing again, a thing that I have almost completely forgot about. I am walking through the streets, I keep remebering funny stuff and laughing to myself, like a fool - but how I missed this! To be able to laugh again, it's really neat. And vital, to me. I was tired of seeing no humor nowhere. Fucking tired, indeed.
Now I'm almost cured from depression(some shit still linger on about my head from time to time), I am facing another dilemma: my elder sister's own depression. Yes, she was the one who've helped me a lot throughout this year's darkest days - and she was still seeing that fuckup of a doctor, Dr. Evil himself - even as though she wasn't doing therapy with him, only seeing her pharmacological status, but nonetheless the fucker kept on saying shit to her, along the lines of: "You are so dumb. You should sue your daughter's father, to get him as much money as possible." Evil, indeed.
So I told her to see the Miracle-Worker. Told her it was worth the extra money she'd have to pay for an appointment with him. I told her, "If he can cure a fuckup like me, a crazy bastard like Antonio, he WILL be able to deal with your head problems as well." So she went. In tears. She's really passing through a hard time on her life, high professional pressure on her line of work; also she's got a daughter, which means a TON of responsibility - thing I don't have to deal with. But for real, it all revolves around my niece. She's far too important for my sister. She's her little angel. I'd be worried too, I can tell you that. And with a job that involves sales, with all the competition and backstabbing with her co-workers, that's gotta be a brain grinder.
She's really helpless these days, feeling down in the dumps, describing to me the exact same symptoms I am quite acquainted with. I'm trying to help her in any way I can - not monetarilly, of course, being the broke-ass motherfucker I am, but talking to her, trying to make her feel a little better. The problem is, it ain't helping that much. She's on the earliest stages of treatment, and it's quite different from mine own - she's taking Venlafaxine, the antidepressant i was on for so long and did almost nothing to me - except turn me into a mental and physical wreck when I stopped taking it, just before the Parnate treatment began. But her case IS different. I do believe it's much more anxiety-driven depression, due to her own work pressure, the responsability to have a child of her own, all that. I told her to TRUST the doctor. And be patient. It's only been two weeks. To me, things started to take effect on the fourth or so week.
Well, I guess that's all I can do for her...I wish I could pay him, but I'm being sponsored myself. I can't afford such a doctor, along with the meds' expense and everything else. I'm glad I got a friend that's sponsoring me, otherwise I'd be that miserable piece of shit fuckup that I was, not too long ago. Anyone reading these lines can tell that - the difference from the entries of say, July, to these more recent ones is quite noticeable, I'd say. I was planning my death, remember? I was planning to do myself in with a suicidal meal.
Nowadays, I'm mostly glad to be alive and well, even though in the process I've came across a hard situation with a friend, who I considered to be one of my best mates, after a few chain of emails, he has been demoted. Things will never be the same after his last piece of communication. A most fucking awful that insulted me so deeply, I don't think I should ever forgive him completely. And I won't. Things will never be the same between us, now that he's revealed his dark - and truer - side.
Well, you can't just win at everything. At least now, I know who I am dealing with. For real. Without masks. And I didn't like what I saw. And what was even worse - the fucker wanted a fucking apology. The nerve! of some people.
Anyways, other than that, things are great, even though I have 4 bucks at the bank, until the end of the month. Too much expenses, I gotta learn to control some urges of mine dealing with money-spending. But nothing was wasted, nonetheless. The things I bought, they've all been useful. Even to lift my spirits a little.
So, tonite I'll be joining Gideon for yet another session of loveful scratches and bites(OW! he's got sharp teeth, he does), after that it's rock'n'roll and workout, amidst internet sessions. And you wanna know what? I love it. I love my simple life. Simple pleasures, simple things, a comedy here and there - and everything's fine.
(Speaking of rock'n'roll, go listen, download, stream, whatever - the latest Black Keys album, "Turn Blue". It's fucking awesome!)
(Speaking of rock'n'roll, go listen, download, stream, whatever - the latest Black Keys album, "Turn Blue". It's fucking awesome!)
As fine as it gets, at least for now. Be well, everyone, if there is indeed anyone reading this, be well.
