And, here I am again - on yet another fight with a friend of mine -that is, if he is still my friend, after a couple of fucking sad emails. Nothing was accomplished, no conclusions were made real, no hard-evidence facts supports neither of us. Basically, a children fight: who yells louder, wins.
I hate to fight. I always did. And yet, I've ended up in so many "fights" at school, to the bullies' delight, that I lose count. Sometimes anger gets the best - in this case, the WORST - of me. It dulls my senses, dumbs down my brain, makes me say shit I don't really intend to say, everything goes to hell and back again.
I think I've learned all about fights watching my parents fighting. It was just the same thing: most cases, they were fighting over a minor piece of fucking bullshit - "who dropped this teacup?" or some shit like that, and it went on and on and on, for hours to no end. Usually, my dad had the final word - he was the loudest, the strongewst, the Castle Owner, after all. And then, when it was over, it was the same thing, over and over again - each parent seeked out one of his offspring, and would complain about their partner for hours. Then, when one left, in came the other. Rinse and repeat.
But I've never been in a fight for real - I mean, "fight-club" style kinda fight. So here's one thing I don't know about me - I wouldn't know what to do, to say the least. The fights I had with my brother were different: they ended in three rounds: round one - the encounter. Round two - the fatal blow from my brother. Round three- utter defeat. The boy who is now an armed federal agent, gun and all, knew how to beat me to a pulp in two, three strikes maximum. I wonder what the overbuffed man who he is today would do to a skinny piece of shit like me. And even worse, now, he's been trained in combat - so I guess I would die even before we made contact. Something like that.
But verbal struggle is sometimes so much more exhausting. Specially when you're dealing with a snarky kinda guy - who won't hesitate to pulverize everything you said in three sentences. I guess that's why he's turned out to law school. He'd make a terrific attorney, I'd bet.
Well, just like always, I lost. And in the same way the quote goes - "Then I lost it - kinda lost it all, you know? Faith, dignity, about five pounds..."Okay, I haven't lost five pounds, but my faith and dignity are down the shitter. I feel fucking pathetic. Because anger always does that to me - turn me into a fucking moron. Kinda sever the link between logical neurons and synapses, mix them all up, turn into a fucking mess, I swear. The bullshit I utter while arguing, man, you gotta listen to it. And all the while, my logical, functional part of the brain just goes, "What the fuck, man? Listen to what you're saying!" And I babble and ramble, and spit and chew, everything goes down the shitter. I had to watch the same downward spiral unrolls before my eyes, while I tried, and tried, to make my point across, and failed miserably.
We got a winner. It ain't me, you bet. He's a tough fucker, this one. And just to clarify things so he won't be furthermore offended, I'm using the term"fucker" as in "badass". Just to make things clear.
