(To my ol' fella Gabriel "the nazi" Spinola)
My friend's gone to a mission of God,
as they called him on their midst,
will be gone for fourty five days,
on a mission on God,
And he's telling me he's already
been fucked, moments before the
mission even started, drugs, drugs on
close quarters - in the room of a man
who's on a mission of God,
God knows why,
God has all the answers,
God will know the truth
behind all that cigarrette smoke
and ash, behind the empty bottle
of Jack, behind the whole lotta side of
affairs...he's on a mission...of God
God knows where, God knows why,
why he's on such a mission,
why he wants to go,
why the hell not? He'd say
but to me, it's sheer madness
embarking on a mission of God,
to lend a hand, to help the poor?
To serve God well, sacred and profane?
God knows why.
He always have, while we were high,
while we were wasted away,
were we doing a bloody sacrifice,
in the name of the fallen angel,
or were we just entertaining ourselves,
God knows why, he does
acts of evil, pure evil?
Were we doing subhuman things?
Escaping reality, escaping the pain,
enduring the pain in the rain,
that fell on our heads,
int that dreaded day
now far away
of march, 27th.
The day it all went down,
to hell, back and forth, to and fro,
again and again,
I stood, alone, enduring the pain, the rain,
he went on on his own ways,
out of drugs, out of dreadful days,
out to seek God -
I wonder why, I'll always wonder why,
he's on a mission of God,
being accused as Hitler's youngest son,
being overthrown out of his own school
by a fake board, fake reasons why
why
was he thrown out away?
to embark on such a mission?
A mission of God?
Well, I looked and I didn't find
nothing but bits of sunshine to get me
through, to get me past by,
my mission, not from God,
but from somewhere else,
somewhere outside our own world,
our own comprehension,
not a mission od God, sure not.
but now he's gone, already embarked,
properly fucked moments before
by mishappenings - acts of God?
smoke in the air - not weed
but something else, legal and lethal,
got him proper fucked, moments before
his mission of God.
God, I wonder why, o God almighty
have you forsaken your most devoted child,
who's embarking on Your mission,
doing as You tell him to,
and yet- even yet - you screw him over
just like that?
This year's been revealing, to both of us,
I'm a lamb of evil, he's a lamb of God,
according to scruptures, might and old,
keeping the tell-tale, doing as she's told,
I don't get it. I really don't.
I'm not on such a mission,
I don't even know my mission,
I know it ain't a plan of God,
for sure I know.
For sure he knows.
He's on a mission of God,
and yet I feel as if God's forsaken him,
at times like these, falsely accused,
once again, screwed over, once again,
left to rot in the grudges, of an insulted mother
that won't stop accusing him to be as filthy
as I am, even though I know he's not,
I vouch for him, I do, my dearest friend,
through thick and thin, we were,
keeping our separate ways,
I kept on being a fuck-up,
he kept on being a lamb of God,
God, he's sent him on a mission,
not before fucking him up, once again,
with mishappenings, misfortune,
things he's long forgotten,
he's kept away, kept his distance,
and now - even now, he's fucked up once again,
moments before embarking on a mission of God.
And he will be gone, for fourty-five days straight
and he's done much more than that,
to prove he's not the devil incarnate,
as the papers said, as his mother says,
He's a mighty old friend of mine,
who helped me a lot of times,
who listened while others quit me,
who hanged out with this said loser,
for so many times really helped me out,
for so many days and nights, feeling lost,
he's found me, amongst the woods of
lost people, people like me, who knows
who he really is - knows WHAT he really is
he knows it too, but it doesn't matter,
because he's a true friend, and not evil,
he's so much fucking better than a bunch
of preachers, and false friends,
and strangers who were once friends,
now just strangers in this strange life,
where the preachers get punished and
the Monster doesn't, he's on a mission
- a mission of God -
God, who seemed to have abandoned him,
abandoned us, in our time of need,
in our direst hour, our darkest hour,
to me, it seems, He's abandoned him once again,
as he's embarking on His mission
with nothing left to hope for,
to aspire, to desire,
in this dreadful hour.
Like our dreadest of days,
like the dreaded May,
we went on our seaparate ways,
he's gone straight, while I'm still lost,
lost in myself, lost in this world,
so much more dire when he's gone,
and now he's gone, in a mission of God,
yet he's got nothing left to lose,
not that much anymore,
and even still, he's on such a mission
a mission of God,
who seems to be, to me, a betrayer
a false friend of his, even though I'd
be burned alive for saying so, I think He is -
a mighty betrayer, a false promise, a false hope,
but who am I to judge?
I sit in the gloom, contemplate the darkness,
smoke a coffin nail, wait for the sun,
wait for my sun, who doesn't come,
he's had his Moon, he's had his time
sweet time together as lovers and friends,
now he's gone.
Gone.
In a mission of God, gone.
falsely accused, falsely charged,
falsely punished for the stupidest of jokes,
a joke on a photo that went viral,
destroyed his reputation, destroyed his career
as an academis student, all of that,
because of a fucking joke.
And he's on a mission of God!
a few know, fewer will ever know him,
as he is, as he truly is,
a good friend, a good companion,
who saved me numberless times
when things were going from bad to worse,
he appeared and saved me, this lost lamb
lamb of evil, some might say,
so be it. I know I am. I won't deny it.
I know who I am, as does he,
and yet, he never judged me,
never abandoned me,
never left my side,
as I rolled and burned
into my depths, my self-wallowing shit,
my self - myself.
Who few know who he really is.
and what he stands for,
I've got a few friends left in my life,
at this point, so very few indeed,
but he's just as precious to me as the rest of my
friends, who still haven't abandoned me
after all the revelations, all the shock, all the lies,
I've been telling myself and them,
he was one of the very first to know
who I am, whom I love, who I've always
yearned to be, and he hasn't forsook me
he's precious to me - a rare gem
hidden amongst the endless pebble beach
of this dreadful beach(bitch) of life,
just like the others, brothers and sisters
whom I've found in my life,
he's just as important, as precious,
and yet...he's gone on a mission of God.
God!
Why?
Indeed, why?
A mission?
A fucking mission?
A lamb of God, indeed.
who's about to be slaughtered in His name,
a sacrifice just the same,
Gone, my friend, gone.
Godspeed.
Find your way back,
I'll be waiting right here,
in the gloom of my life,
my corrupt ways,
I'll be waiting until you come back.
