Yeah, yeah, yeah, more bitchin' for y'all to appreciate or just let go, let it rot, whatnot. I'm just amazed how badly things are going this fucking year of thy lord, 2016. The woman I thought would never abandon me, has arose from the ashes as a 44-year old slut. Not it is just fucking lame, it is fucking disgusting as well. I've been intimate with that person, held high hopes for her, and now, it's been all tossed in the fucking dumpster. She has became the cumrag cougar bitch. How lame is that? Hertless, no-good she-devil with the rotten front teeth.Then, I tried to commit suicide eating 70 capsules of 50 miligrams of Pamelor each, and I fail at that too. Somehow, I've survived what could have easily killed 3 men of my stature. Somehow, as I described it - I don't recall most of it - my grandma prevented me from crossing the light, whatever hell or heaven was beyond, it is a fucking mistery. And I'm so lucky - no trauma, no damaged organs, just a fucking stupor, a day of shuffling around just like a zombie, loss of memory, that was all. Spent 22 hours on saline drip with medication and a very fucking boring experience at the hospital, but that was it. Suicide? Denied. For the second time in my life. Fuck pills, they just don't work, next time I'm trying a fucking noose .
But the worst thing is having to deal with this broken heart. It pisses me off, just how easily things could be avoided, if I just did not survive the Rivotril OD. 80 of those fuckers won't kill you, how fucking lame is that. I 've researched about Pamelor, the key to OD and die with them was...alcohol. If I had drunk only a fucking beercan, I'd be pushing up the daisies.
And now, I'm back....back to this fucking boring antfarm life.
Why can't I just die? I KNOW I'm too lame to still have a higher purpopse, be the next messiah or some shit like that. I'm just a 40 year old bisexual fucking man. I'm tired of this shit, why grandma did not let me die in peace?
I....am.....tired.
