It's true. Fuck me, it's so fucking true.
There IS a first time for everything.
Fucking beautiful. Have you ever felt it? Experienced it?
The feeling of having your heart torn to pieces?
It's...fucking awful. And it fucking hurts, but not like the physical pain.
I'd rather have my fucking arm cut off with a saw, no anesthetic, than to feel this shit.
Suddenly you are with someone, who just leaves you in the dark, "to fight off her own demons by herself," something like that.
To me, it felt like seeing a person gave in and let himself be executed. No help. No, don't help me.
I've died a little today, yesterday, and will suffer during the whole goddamned weekend.
I'm lucky that I've got a shitload of rivotril. Clonazepan. I know that I won't be able to do a damned thing, seeing someone I cared about deliver herself to the darkness.
If you fell down a weel, and suddenly an outstretched arm reached down, what would you do?
Grab it and be free, or...do nothing at all? Deliver yourself to starvation, thist and death?
I'll never get this.
Never, ever.
And I should know, because I did it a lot in the past. Refused to be helped. And now the tables are turned, and I am the third party, observing the suffering.
And unable to do shit to help.
I am ripped apart. Torn to pieces. Hurting like a motherfucker...and yet, we wers so close, so....
"Don't help me. Don't try to help me."
I won't.
But I'll die along.
Every day, every hour.
I am already dying.
And I don't even know why.
